Please Let It Be the PMS

i didn't go to work today.  i woke up with a headache, decided to drive in to work, dropped some stuff off at the post-office and then listened to WBZ AM1030's TRAFFIC ON THE THREES   only to find out that there was a multi-car crash right smack in the middle of the mass pike.  so i turned around and went home.  hey, i wasn't feeling well to begin with, and the last thing i wanted to sit in for 2 hours was a traffic jam so give me a break.

i'm in a state of something .. flux.. i don't know.  i think i want to have a kid.  but you know at my age i'm going to have to stop just "thinking" and actually have one, if i'm physically capable of doing so.  and then today, i just got another email from my college about our upcoming 20th reunion.  how can it be that 20 years have gone by since i graduated?  what have i accomplished?  what did i do from 1985 until today?  one major reason i don't want to go is because i'm fat.  another is because i'm not some important doctor or lawyer or indian chief or married to some important doctor or lawyer or indian chief.  (native american chief doesn't have the same rhythm ) .  i'd like to say that i don't really care and really blame it all on the type of school i attended, etc.   and it's true -- it is the type of school i went to -- but i really do care.  yes, i'm paris geller.  or at least i was once.   or should have been.  i was never a rory.  she  is much too well adjusted.  (by the way, abc family is running season 3 reruns every day.  WOO-HOO!!! and season 3 is coming out on dvd May 3rd!!!!)    anyway, enough with the self-loathing.

now to the knitting... on boston marathon day, i had the day off, so instead of fighting the crowds and watching hundreds of people run their asses off like they were being chased down the road  by rabid coyotes , i dyed more yarn. 

here it is  drying.  to get that saturation of red i used 5 packages of cherry koolaid per 1 cup of solution.  the purple you see there required 3 packages of grape.  i like the way the purple came out, but the red,  not so much.  i don't think koolaid does red very well.

here are my little swatches knitted up. 

i'm ready for my close-ups

again, no idea what i'll do with them. 

now i know what i've been doing for 20 years -- being indecisive.

p.s.  i kind of like the bigger pictures.  what do you think? 

Comments

[millenniumhippies]

how funny that i came over here from michele's because i decided to visit everyone else who wanted to live in Gilmore Girl land...and this post i chose to read because i love the yarn colors, and you happen to reference paris and rory in it! :) love the colors...someday when i get the time i would love to dye my own yarn too!

[Leslie]

Your hand-dyed yarn is lovely! I especially like the orange/turquoise/red one. Do you know what specific colors of Kool-Aid you used for that one?

[Jaax]

I love, love, love the one with the orange, red and blue. I have never done yarn dying. What do you use besides kool-aid? And I'm guessing you use the non-sugared mix?

[Cathi]

PS- If you're feeling on the edge of the baby thing, and need someone to talk you down, I have plenty poop on the carpet stories for you. :)

[Cathi]

I love the dye jobs- you did a great job. I know this may sound insane, but wouldn't it be a fun, bright colored baby blanket? Or would that only be for a baby of a clown?

I am not going to my reunion for different reasons, ones which are too dark to discuss, but don't beat yourself up about not wanting to go. I tortured myself enough to get these people's approval for four years, why do I want to revisit that years later, for ONE NIGHT ONLY, nevermind pay for it. Ugh.

Ps- Will you be the chief of my Indian Tribe? We are having a Camp WannaKnitKnit this summer....

[Jeri]

Sounds like you needed a day off. Don't feel guilty! Lemme tell ya - class reunions are fun. Just go and don't have any worries. You'll be surprised how many people are bald and/or fat. And I can assure you that the ones who don't attend are missed by everyone. They really don't care how you look or what you do!

And, your yarn looks yummy. I really do like the colors! Congrats on a nice job well done!

[Jenifer]

Hey there Maryse ... hope you can deal with your angst well ... just so that you know, once you have kids (if you do decide to), the angst becomes "what would have happened if I'd chosen to NOT have kids?!". Either way, the choice is made, you know what I mean? Anyhow -- I took you up on your recommendation and I've just finished the Gilmore Girls first season via blockbuster.com. I love it! My husband even is walking around the house singing the "la la la la la ... la la la" song. When we "transition" (i.e. get in the car to go somewhere) we sing the song, too. Thanks again!

[Johanna]

Ahh, crappy days, we all have them, we all hate them. The worst is that it can make good things seem crappy too. I LOVE your dye jobs. They look awesome.

Also, the pics are a perfect size. Much easier to see and enjoy and drool over!

Happy Knitting

[carolyn]

i like the big pictures. if you could get rid of the cream bits in the purple one i woudl love that one the most. i hate cream/white in variegated yarns. don't know why but i do. go answer some of my ?s would ya, i don't want to post anymore if i can't get my friends to answer me. :)

[Bridget]

The swatches are great. I like the purply one the best. I also like the bigger pictures. I have a new blog and one of my issues is the pictures. I haven't figured out how to get them in to fit the column yet. I will be working on that this weekend!

I know what you mean about school, etc. Your children will love you no matter your job, weight, etc. My first husband and I were poor and young when we had our children, and it all worked out!

[meg]

I have not been to any college or high school reunions....and frankly, I don't think I NEED to go. Isn't it amazing that the very times in our lives that caused so much anxiety and insecurity can do so again at the mere whisper of REUNION?

I love the red-orange-turquoise swatch - I think the orange and blue make the red look better.

[Bron]

Tick-tock, eh? I can't help with the kid cravings - but I know how it feels.

My 25th high school reunion is this year....which doesn't really count for me 'cause I graduated a year early...but STILL. I won't go for two reasons: I'm fat & it's in Kansas. Oh - one more reason - I find that I don't care one whit about any of them any more. Nope - I'm not even curious to find out who else is fat. ;)

[Anna]

The Ticking Biological Clock Syndrome, huh?
I know a little something about that!
Doesn't it suck when your mental and physical ages don't coincide?

PS: I liked your indian chief bit. I used to have a bracelet with a little dial on it that you could spin to see if you'd end up marrying a doctor, lawyer, indian chief, etc.

[Lauren]

Like the bigger pics and the dye jobs.

[benedetta]

i know nothing about reunions, they sound terrifying!
however, on the kid front, just go for it, you won't regret it. trust me.
your hand-died yarn is cool, love the third one best.
hope your headache is gone!

[laurie]

Yes, I love the bigger pics.

1. I'm sorry it's crappy and there's the self loathing (boy, do I know self-loathing well. Hi, it's YOU again? ARGH)

2. Good for you for going back home. Let the traffic Darwinize the others while you're home, safe, with TV

3. I did not go to my 10 year reunion because I was too fat. Also, I didn't really miss anything... or so I tell myself ... it was held at the Elk's Lodge and apparently everyone pretty much looked the same but they all had kids.

4. Your yarn is gorgeous, and by the way ... I'm out of hiding and isolating and feeling sorry for myself and I'm back to stalking! you! ;)

5. Have you seen Romy & Michelle's High School Reunion? I'm just saying...

[kim]

Me likes the big pics, and the dye jobs. Also, Paris Geller is damn entertaining.

[melanie]

Good for you for turning around and going home. Mental health days are important, and it's just as important to recognize when you need one.

Love the dye job! The swatches look fantastic! I think they want to be socks.

[Jenn]

It looks good knitted up...the purple and yellow-ish one reminds me of the KnitPicks sock yarn.

And hey, knit your self a sweater and go to your reunion...I bet no one else there will be able to say they can do the same!