No Such Thing As Love Anymore

back in the day, the "day" being "quite a long time ago", M&Ms came in two varieties:  Plain and Peanut.  no peanut butter, no dark chocolate, no almond, NO, NONE OF THAT.  just plain and peanut.  and they came in limited number of colors, all in one bag, all mixed together.  there was dark brown, light brown, orange, yellow, red, and green.  for a few years we lost the red ones.  there was sadness across the land.  but then they came back, and all was good.

back in the day, the green ones were (and still are) imbued with special powers.  sexual powers.  and because they were relatively rare, these powers were valued.  in a one pound bag, you might have at most 10 green M&Ms!

so one day, a friend decided  she would express her  love for a handsome young man by filling a mason jar full of green M&Ms.  and we, her friends, would help her.  do you know how many 1 lb bags we had to go through just to fill a mason jar with the green ones?  all i can tell you is that we  ate a shit load of chocolate. 

Nowadays M&Ms come in crazy ass varieties, in crazy ass colors and themes (star wars M&Ms people?!! )  and it's just wrong.  WRONG I TELL YOU!!  but the worse of it?!!

YOU CAN BUY THE GREEN ONES BY THE FRIGGIN' BAG!!!!

where's the challenge?  where's the romance?  where's the heartache?  where's the sacrifice?  any old schmuck can now go to their local CVS and buy a big ass bag of green M&Ms.  but what kind of love is that?  love is when a girl and her friends stuff their faces with 15 lbs of milk chocolate over the course of several weeks, all to impress a young man.  love is when friends risk weight gain and bad skin all to help a friend "get the guy."  love is not going to the CVS and buying a big ass bag of green M&Ms.

happy valentine's day ... if it means anything anymore.  sigh