just maryse

Love Ya Maman

my mother and i had a complicated relationship. like i told j, no one was meaner to me but at the same time loved me as much as she did. maybe it was because i was a lot like her in so many ways (which i don't think she ever wanted to recognize, telling me so many times "you are just like your father.") she was brutally (and sometimes unnecessarily) honest and emotionally high maintenance which only got worse as she got older.  i also learned pretty early that whatever i told her could come back later to bite me in the ass. 

 

but she's also the one who taught me how to knit and crochet and do needlepoint. she quizzed me for school, took on teachers and principals who held me back, insisted i stay home sometimes for mental health days because school had me so stressed out (some of that stress was self-imposed but also she would have not been shy about showing her disappointment if i got anything less than an A). although her spoken english was fluent, she was insecure about her written english, so i was the one who wrote the notes to the teacher which she would sign. she took me to get my ears pierced when i was 7, years before my friends were allowed to. she also put blonde streaks in my waist length hair when i was in the 8th grade because i asked her to.  (she refused to let me cut it though). she never hid anything from me, believing that the more i knew, the better i could protect myself (whether i wanted to know about it or not).  i could go on.

thank you for your messages of condolences.  i've always felt that my words of sympathy kind of fell short. i can often feel personally responsible for a person's feelings (yeah, thanks mom for that ;) but now i know that every card, message and touch has meant so much. so i sincerely thank you.

 

 

Weird Day

i wondered if i should be posting about this, but i've been pretty open about other things and well, if you know me in person, it's something that will come up.  so here goes.

my mother passed away this morning. it was a bit of a surprise. and i know it hasn't hit me yet. my mother had had health problems -- a long hospital stay in the Fall I know wore her out and her kidneys were acting up -- but other than that, she was fine, just a little tired.  i even spoke to her on sunday and she was yelling at my dad -- heh -- as she had probably done every day of their life together.

she had a heart attack. i'm relieved that it happened quickly and without an suffering. 

j and i are leaving for france this weekend.

thanks everyone.

 

 

Already February?

gah! january has been busy. i've been crocheting up a storm (unfortunately i can't show you what i've been working on) and doing a little knitting and cross stitching  (i can show you that, just need to do a little post-processing on the photos).  i've been pretty good on some of my resolutions - the important ones - namely the writing down of everything i eat and the exercise (i average 3 to 4 days a week of at least 30 minutes - i had a doctor's appointment and she was happy because my blood pressure was in the normal range again - it had started creeping up).  not so good on the photo walks.  i managed another one, which really wasn't a walk so much as a "stop and get out of the car and take photos before i freeze my ass off" kind of walk.  i also have to process those photos.  this time of year i have a hard time motivating myself. the lack of light gets to me and i'm so much less productive.

one fun thing i did do was take a knitting class with anne weaver over at Black Sheep Knitting Company in Needham MA. it is probably my first official knitting class but definitely not my last. i learned a lot and i definitely see some shawls in my future. i'm working on the one i started in class and i can not stop working on it! it's addictive.   and then anything with anne is fun.  her energy is infectious and she makes you want to make ALL OF THE THINGS.

work's been kind of a drag though. nothing horrible, just work. i'm lucky to have a job and to work with people i admire and respect but sometimes, i just want to give it the old heave ho and do something else (what i want to do that would maintain my standard of living is another thing). i can't help but feel that my lack of motivation isn't always about my being lazy but more about not being inspired.

so what's up for february? well, now i'm going to buckle down. increase my exercise (watching L&O on my ipad while on the elliptical is the key). and i realize that without a daily photo project, i get out of the habit.  i guess i am an all or nothing girl.

a blog i found via pinterest (i love pinterest so much - if you are visual like i am, you will too) called  fatmumslim is going to help me with that.  i'm a little bummed that i missed january now.

 

ok, that's enough for now. jesus, i just typed a lot of words today, didn't i.  heh.

 

 

 

 

So Long 2011

another year come and gone.

 

2011 for me ended up being a year of changes.  don't worry, i'm not going to rehash stuff i've already talked about here.  but let's just say, that i'm a very different person now than i was just a year ago. i think i'm better.  and that's good for me but also for people around me. not everything was perfect of course. there's no such thing. i still have my moments. but when i do, i'm able to snap out of them. remembering to breathe helps a lot.

i hope 2011 was good to you. and if it wasn't, let's look forward to 2012. i know i am.

here's a little video retrospective to get us there. heh. i know, i'm such a dork.

 

 

WIP Wednesday without WIP

after 2 months, i finally finished my soctoberfest socks. in previous years, i've participated in kirsten's mystery sock knit thing, but this year she had real life things to handle.  CAN YOU BELIEVE THAT? and totally dropped the ball on designing a mystery sock for us.  thanks kirsten. sheesh.

so i made just another one of my 2x2 ribbed socks.  this time i chose a very neutral palette. i've been in a gray neutral, black color mood lately, so the colorway fit with what i was interested in working with.

the yarn is noro kureyon sock (the details have been raveled here). i really love this yarn. the bands of color, even when only browns, grays, rust and cream, really make me happy.

and maybe because i've been obsessed with gray lately, i've taken to wearing makeup and giving myself manicures again. (the flickr makeup frenzy may have something to do with that too). or maybe it's just because i'm a week away from another birthday and i'm clinging with all of my strength to some vestige of my youth. heh.

 

before i was collected yarn and fiber, i collected makeup and nail polish.  heh.

 

Adventures in Parking

it took 8 days for me to sufficiently recover from my month long blogging adventure. not much has been going on since then. mostly just thinking about projects. i've got a few things up my sleeve with imminent deadlines, which means of course that i'm avoiding them.  and i've got a couple of long term projects which of course means that i can't stop thinking about them.  heh.

but that's not what i'm going to blog about today. today it's about last sunday's bazaar bizarre. it's become a yearly event. i get an early bird ticket and with a friend or two in tow (this year it was stacie) we head off to check out the crafty shopping. and like other years, it did not disappoint. i rarely buy a lot of stuff. my gift giving list does not include people who would get the whole handmade craft thing. but no matter, i still love looking at everything. 

but enough about the bazaar.  the big news is that WE GOT TO PARK IN THE MIDDLE OF THE STREET!

the south end, one of my favorite neighborhoods of boston, is notoriously horrible for parking (like pretty much every neighborhood in boston). when i lived in town i would come down and do some shopping/hanging out on sundays and noticed that on certain blocks, cars would be parked along the median line. i figured it was for churchgoing folks. there are several churches in the area. but i was unsure what the actual rules were. and since i wasn't driving then, i didn't give it too much thought.

until last sunday. stacie and i drove down warren ave and stopped a woman who was parking in the middle of the street and asked her, what's the deal?  well apparently, on sunday, you can park in the middle of certain streets. it started out for church goers but you don't need to go to church, nor do you have to have a resident sticker. you won't get towed. you won't get a ticket.  YAY!

it's the little things.

 

NaBloPoMo Day 24

i hope you all had an awesome thanksgiving.

LBK hopes you did too in spite of the fact that she had to stay home.

it's her own fault though. all she had to do is get into the car. but she refused to.

NaBloPoMo Day 23

i took some photos today that i intended to include in this post, but right now i'm comfortably situated on my couch with my knitting and it's quite possible that i'm too lazy to actually get off of this couch.  yep, too lazy. if i get up, i'm going to bed.

today was a fun day. i went into work which was "meh" in the fun department but then i met up with knancy for lunch to celebrate her birthday (it's tomorrow). and after that i went to sephora, which is always fun for me.  also the lighting in there is fabulous and i swear i look 15 years younger in there.  heh.

ok, that's all for now.  have a good thanksgiving eve.

NaBloPoMo Day 22

today's post is brought to you by carole and her 10 on Tuesday series.  with it being so close to Thanksgiving, the topic of the day was 10 Things you are thankful for.  Oh what the hell.

1. I'm thankful for my family. And that includes J. heh. things for us were very different last year. I'm thankful that we will be celebrating Thanksgiving together this year.

2. My mother had a health scare earlier this fall. She was in the hospital off and on for 6 weeks, with a week or two in ICU. I'm thankful that she's out of the woods and although still worn out, she's back home, tormenting my father (i kid, um, not really. heh.) 

3. I'm thankful that my parents living in France means that although they are far THEY HAVE AND ALWAYS WILL HAVE THE QUALITY HEALTH CARE THAT THEY NEED REGARDLESS OF WHAT THEY CAN OR CAN NOT PAY.  I very rarely get political on this blog, but i will say this.  it's an abomination that in this country we do not have universal healthcare. an abomination.

4. And being that I live in the United States, I am thankful that J and I have jobs that provide us with adequate and high quality health insurance. Thing is, if we are ever to lose our jobs, so goes our health insurance.  which makes no sense whatsoever. 

5.  I am thankful for the little pill i take every morning.  i take 20mg of celexa.  it has changed my life. I only wish I had been diagnosed with anxiety and depression and treated years ago.  Although I hesitate to think of last summer/fall as a blessing perhaps I should now that the pain and hurt have softened a bit.  I would never have sought out help otherwise.

6. I am thankful for my friends.  They know who they are.

7. I am thankful for being able to indulge in my passions and that even after years of doing them, I still enjoy them as much as I do. 

8. Even though my house is still covered in tyvek, I'm thankful that I'm home again.  I really missed not being here last year.

9. I am thankful that I have really great hair.  heh.  I'm very overweight, I have a big nose, my skin is seriously showing the signs of aging, I have hag hairs and weak nails, but I've always really had great hair. 

10.  I am thankful that this list ends at 10. Not that I don't have other things I'm thankful for, but damn I'm tired.

 

NaBloPoMo Day 21

work today was challenging, but not in a good way. the boss was around (he's usually not) and spent more time than was necessary looking over my shoulder, literally.  OMG I HATE WHEN HE DOES THAT. i was tired. conference calls were trying. it just was generally a meh kind of day.

so here's a little list of things that weren't so meh and managed to make me forget about my stressful day.

1. driving home from the train station, i saw a doe cross the road right in front of me.

2. then i went to the grocery store to pick up a couple of things and i bought some wasa crisp bread. i really like wasa crisp bread in light rye. 

3. as soon as i got home, i poured myself a hearty glass of wine.

4. and flipped through the november-december issue of marie claire idees that my dad sent me.

5. i like marie claire idees. and i like that no matter how busy my dad gets, he always remembers to send me the latest issue as soon as it comes out.

6. good night.